Friday, May 24, 2013

Dear Adobe Acrobat

Dear Adobe Acrobat:

I'm just going to come right out and say it:  I think I'm in love with you.  The fact that I can enter in a few lines of text, move around some text boxes, click a couple buttons, and then look like I'M a genius for designing a fillable, online, application form in a half hour makes me weep with appreciation.

You are the wind beneath my wings.

((HUGS)),
Your Secret Admirer


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Dear Train Riders

Dear Everyone Who Rides a Commuter Train:

You know what one of my top pet-peeves is?  People who talk on the quiet-ride car.  Even if it is quick & in a whisper, it's still really annoying and rude.  You know what tops that pet peeve?  When someone's phone rings and instead of silencing that shit immediately, they ANSWER THE PHONE and proceed to have the following conversation without much variance:

"Hello? Hello? Yeah.  No.  I'm on the quiet car.  The quiet car.  Yeah.  Uh huh... What?  No, I can't talk right now.  No.  I'm on the quiet car.  Yes.  Ok... Ok...  Ok.  What?  I'll call you back.  No, I'll call you back.  Ok...  K. Bye."

Unless you are some combination of blind, deaf, illiterate, and completely stupid, there is no way of not knowing you are on the quiet-ride car.  There are signs posted everywhere.  The conductors mention it constantly. Mostly, no one else is so much as breathing loudly.  I just don't get why you wouldn't turn off your phone as soon as you got on the train.  And if you forgot, then why, upon ringing, you would not just make it stop ringing asap.  Answering the call just puts you in the top echelon of ass-hattery. It is irritating as shit, people.

My days are full of people talking at me.  I really enjoy the 40-or-so minutes of relative peace & quiet that I get on the train commuting to and from work.  Stop screwing it up with your selfishness and idiocy.

Signed,
The Quiet-Ride Car Nazi

PS:  You shouldn't bother with a smartphone if you don't know how to silence a call or set the damn thing on vibrate.

PPS: You don't have anyone fooled by using a hands-free ear piece or headphones with the tiny speaker on the cord. You just look like an insane person talking to themselves, which is even more fucking annoying.