Dear Mr. Joel:
You suck ass. You have got to be the least-talented, yet most-overrated, musician of your generation. Every time I hear Captain Jack, Only the Good Die Young, or that Brenda Renetti song, I my internal organs start to desiccate and I want to shove drywall screw anchors into my ears.
On second thought, maybe I'll just get a rifle and snipe you.
You are easy enough to find, being a horrible, misshapen lush. I'll just look in a local, New York rehab or maybe see which car is wrapped around the nearest tree. It will most likely be yours.
Although, I can't blame you. If I were you, I'd try to wrap my car around a tree too. Please die soon.
Signed,
A fan (NOT)
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